Infatuations and Detestations

Thats it, I’m going to risk my life to drive forty minutes to Jenna’s house tonight. Snow needs to pour into volcanos, save someone why don’t you?

That I have a new follower or someone likes something that I wrote, makes me feel like today was worth it.

^.^

Help me move forward.

Is it weird that after I’m done using a Q-Tip I look at it?

It’s always great going over there; there is Jillian, Ryan, Shane, and Kaila was even there today. Although I nag Ryan and flirt with Kaila and joke with Jillian and do Shane’s homework project, it never ceases to amaze me. I mean, it never is really productive, but I love having Jillian as a friend. A real friend. I typically don’t get those, I hate relying on the internet. Yeah, she’s really my only local friend, but that doesn’t make up who she is.

I’m not lonely, I’m appreciative.

So, it turns out that there is a scholarship for gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and transgender. It’s a good 2,000 dollar scholarship and it’s due March 22. I need three letters of recommendation though, who is going to recommend me? I mean, I haven’t got a lot of things to back me up. No sports, no honor society. The only thing I’m really apart of is the GSA, so maybe I should just go for it, you know? Who ever thought society would back out of their asses to acknowledge our taboo? I’m proud to be bisexual, and I know this scholarship would do a lot for me. Would my parents be proud that I was awarded a scholarship? They should, but would they second guess it because I’m bisexual? Why is it that some people overlook the good things. My dad would be proud for me getting a scholarship, meaning less money we have to pay, I know that. But maybe my mom would feel ashamed, maybe she’d find me disgusting.

I’m living my own life now.

Putting my cares behind me should be simple enough. I mean, I’m going to see someone I’ve been mad crushin’ on for awhile, but it should be easy. I’m going to take it by force and leave it all behind, leave her all behind. Because this is what I do. I don’t let anyone have a grasp on my heart, and letting go is just easier than holding on. I’m going to be friends with her, that’s what she wants afterall. What good is it getting what I want anyway? I’m just a single fuck.

I love being asked to go places.
I love kissing cheeks.
I love inside jokes.
I love, “Wanna hang out?” text messages.
I love road trips.
I love being dependable.
I love being asked how I feel.
I love trust.
I love my confidence.
I love grabbing a bite to eat.
I love talking about girl/boy troubles.
I love stopping by.
I love giving gifts.
I love having a purpose.

None of these things would be possible without my friends.<3

Now Jillian already gave her explaination on what had happened, but I’m going to give my side of the story, just like ever great story has to have.

Alright, so at the end of the school day, Jillian and Clair agreed to help me with my photography project, and it was a nice enough day. So we walked to my car in the tennis court parking lots and we left for my house after stopping at Wawa. Once at my house, we sat for a little bit and then decided to take a walk, so I brought my camera for some snapshots. Well we got to the pond, and Jillian, feeling spontaneous, decides to step on the “frozen” pond. She struts around for a couple of minutes, then gets Calir to get on with her. She wanted me to go, but I had my camera and I juust didn’t want to slip. Proving that by me falling on snow before even stepping on the ice. So I just sat back and watched.

As I watched them walk around,  Jillian asks me, “How deep is it?” and I assured her that I didn’t think it was too deep. Life being the way it is, thirty second after she asked that, Clai fell in. She looked so scared as she fell and was trying to get to her phone to throw it on the ice (though I don’t know why that mattered) Jillian and I didn’t know if we should laugh or be serious, we hadn’t noticed it was that deep. So because Jillian was already out there, she goes to help Clair and is pulled down into the ice herself. As for me, I didn’t know what to do. I was dazed with thoughts from trying to  analyze what to do! I knew I couldn’t go out there, because I would be sure to fall through. Luckily enough, some man was nearby and helped me coach them to pull themselves out. He offered them blankets as I ran to my house to get my car. Clair’s phone got left behind, but they made it out okay.

So some scarey situation turned out pretty commical. I went and got rice for Jillian’s phone, hopefully that’ll help it work. But if not she could get another one if she wanted. After all this, I hung out with Jillian some more and watched a movie. Now I feel myself propping my legs against a table or chair and saying, “What a day.”

So I’ll drink my Yoplait yogurt with a straw and eat sandwichs on napkins.

What about you?

So I’m watching the discover health channel and this girl with primordial dwarfism was going to a doctors appointment and she was like, “Please don’t leave me in Delaware.”

Don’t blame you gurl.

Accentuated by the mobile dungeon of fluorescence
As I fall out of love, this wasn’t supposed to happen
Not according to you

Please don’t allow your voice to fade
Don’t fall so weak to fault the blame
To give yourself reason for an end

We’d have our own subway car in the middle of the night
I’d work the same job, play the same bars on every weekend
As the graffiti scrolls by

Please don’t allow your voice to fade
Don’t fall so weak to fault the blame
To give yourself reason for an end

At the end of your low you pin my shoulders against the mattress
Arching your frame with stomach pushed outward
Your head tilting back with your mouth slightly open
The sounds slur and elevate slowly in volume
When you wake with your family gathered around
Remember that our love was true
And I will not allow you to destroy yourself

I hope that I’m not revealing too much

My mom says we could maybe go to Chinatown Buffet tomorrow to celebrate me getting into college. Now thats why I applied. :]